We are in no way affiliated with any other group, race, festival or classic.

Friday, April 13, 2012

it's not made of glitter

Clip and print! Your mom would love one.

1) There will be prizes.
2) 1st place is not always the win.

After weeks of work, our flyer is done! Several people worked their fingers to the bone over that, and further we are really, really very pleased to present this:

It accurately represents everything we are. Don't kid yourself. Fuck your training, fuck your time cuts, fuck your max watts, fuck your little shoe covers (even though I kinda like those), fuck your throwaway race bike so light and plasticky it only lasts a season safely, fuck your important meetings, fuck your weight weenie in the middle of a ride discussion, fuck your cool sunglasses, fuck your hopes, your dreams, and your life.


Riding bikes is fun! Remember that? We don't care what you ride, we care that you ride. Get off that ass and bring a lunch. We love you. Any bike! Any rider! No enemy!

Locals, this is the Fist Frank Pinto Celebration Ride. Joselyn's Bikes is closed, not forgotten. Fist Frank, show up or your house will be one of the stops...

Dreary? GO!

Thursday, April 5, 2012


Afros...and afrettes...

The hunger in our eyes has been seen and recognized by the bumbling fellow cyclists at Surly HQ. You can anticipate, and I quote, "a box of fish". Mmmmmmmm, that sounds delish. Pack your Party, and your Good Times too, and meet us at the appointed time (to be revealed) on the appointed date (April 21st, bitches)!

If you don't know, you better axe somebody.

Monday, March 26, 2012

lots of men carry bags?

Call it what you want, call it what you will. We support any version of life's style you wanna rock out with. But you'll need a poiss of some kind to fulfill the requirements Sleaze Otter requires. Don't sleep. Bag, helmet, lights.

Things are in the works; Machiavellian, ponderous, grinding, inexorable movements. If you don't know, now you know.

While we can't endorse anything except a Good Time, you might consider your eternal salvation viz. The Church of the Subgenius (if you got the time), some tenets of which we hold dear. Specifically:
1) get off your ass
2)bust your ass
3)watch your ass, and

With regards to #1...we are tired of all the pussy "reasons" why you can't be bothered to get off your ass and have a Good Time on your bicycle (remember that?). Most of these "reasons" involve your dead-hearted J-O-B, enabling you to skip a Real Good Time in favor of some old bullshit like staying at your boring smoky campsite or your shitty hotel room, or attending another lame industry party at which you can't really cut loose on account of the stuffy free drinks might be cut off. Fuck that.

So everything else follows. Come have some fun, with your clean ass and your bicycle.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

meet me at the cemetery

It's as official as things like this are: Vanderkitten will be joining us for hijinks and hilarity. Hopefully a repeat of the amateur stripper dancing at S______'s (open since 1937!).

You know and I know, it takes all kinds to make a party jump. The course is up in the air at this point, but it is certain that there will be some action near the seashore, so be careful...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Get Happenstance

Welcome Princeton Tec! You are the dopey old man to our conniving teens. Hopefully there is no Richard. That kid is a buzzkill.

Saturday, February 18, 2012


6...6...6 years in a row.

And for 5 years in a row the "Bike Industry" has been a lot of jock sniffing p...p...pussies.

I said it.

I hate to say it: I don't think I'm the right coach for you. You all come out here and stand around. What is that? Can you overcome your fear? Can you leave your comfy campsite, with it's cans of beans'n'franks? Can you abandon your ratty motel room, with it's engrossing and rare television programming? Could you skip your gladhanding industry event, with it's same old same old?

Why are you even working in this thankless field? Oh yeah. Because you love bicycles. So get off your ass and, uh, put your ass on your bicycle saddle.

The official theme for this 6th year shall be:

Hey Bike Industry...STOP BEING PUSSIES.

As always, the route is what it is and is open to every bike and every rider. Run what you brung and you'll be all right.

Get with it. Oh, and we are currently accepting sponsorship requests.