Sunday, March 2, 2014
Welcome back welcome back welcome back
Is anybody out there? There have been rumblings of a Sleaze Otter recurrence. A gathering of the yahoos. Weigh in with your sayins...
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
you ain't special
...so shut the fuck up and finish your drink.
The bike industry is full of pussies.
The Sleaze Otter has asked for your participation 6 times. 6 times you were invited to ride your bike, have a few drinks (if you were so inclined, or not- your choice), perform some rudimentary tasks, and score some cheap geegaws. 6 times you could not be bothered to get off your fat lazy ass and leave the safety of your cheap hotel room or shitty charcoal smoke-out for some actual riding. Fuck you. Why are you people even in this business? I am specifically calling out you personally.
The end. We quit.
On the other hand, several fine companies and individuals have sponsored us in the past, and they are quality people. Surly, PDW, VanDerKitten, All Hail the Black Market, Rothera cycling caps, Yanco pads, and me. Thanks to you all for the Good Times. Sorry it had to be like this.
The bike industry is full of pussies.
The Sleaze Otter has asked for your participation 6 times. 6 times you were invited to ride your bike, have a few drinks (if you were so inclined, or not- your choice), perform some rudimentary tasks, and score some cheap geegaws. 6 times you could not be bothered to get off your fat lazy ass and leave the safety of your cheap hotel room or shitty charcoal smoke-out for some actual riding. Fuck you. Why are you people even in this business? I am specifically calling out you personally.
The end. We quit.
On the other hand, several fine companies and individuals have sponsored us in the past, and they are quality people. Surly, PDW, VanDerKitten, All Hail the Black Market, Rothera cycling caps, Yanco pads, and me. Thanks to you all for the Good Times. Sorry it had to be like this.
Friday, April 13, 2012
it's not made of glitter
Clip and print! Your mom would love one.
1) There will be prizes.
2) 1st place is not always the win.
After weeks of work, our flyer is done! Several people worked their fingers to the bone over that, and further we are really, really very pleased to present this:
It accurately represents everything we are. Don't kid yourself. Fuck your training, fuck your time cuts, fuck your max watts, fuck your little shoe covers (even though I kinda like those), fuck your throwaway race bike so light and plasticky it only lasts a season safely, fuck your important meetings, fuck your weight weenie in the middle of a ride discussion, fuck your cool sunglasses, fuck your hopes, your dreams, and your life.
STOP BEING PUSSIES.
Riding bikes is fun! Remember that? We don't care what you ride, we care that you ride. Get off that ass and bring a lunch. We love you. Any bike! Any rider! No enemy!
Locals, this is the Fist Frank Pinto Celebration Ride. Joselyn's Bikes is closed, not forgotten. Fist Frank, show up or your house will be one of the stops...
Dreary? GO!
1) There will be prizes.
2) 1st place is not always the win.
After weeks of work, our flyer is done! Several people worked their fingers to the bone over that, and further we are really, really very pleased to present this:
It accurately represents everything we are. Don't kid yourself. Fuck your training, fuck your time cuts, fuck your max watts, fuck your little shoe covers (even though I kinda like those), fuck your throwaway race bike so light and plasticky it only lasts a season safely, fuck your important meetings, fuck your weight weenie in the middle of a ride discussion, fuck your cool sunglasses, fuck your hopes, your dreams, and your life.
STOP BEING PUSSIES.
Riding bikes is fun! Remember that? We don't care what you ride, we care that you ride. Get off that ass and bring a lunch. We love you. Any bike! Any rider! No enemy!
Locals, this is the Fist Frank Pinto Celebration Ride. Joselyn's Bikes is closed, not forgotten. Fist Frank, show up or your house will be one of the stops...
Dreary? GO!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Baaaaaaaaaaam!
Afros...and afrettes...
The hunger in our eyes has been seen and recognized by the bumbling fellow cyclists at Surly HQ. You can anticipate, and I quote, "a box of fish". Mmmmmmmm, that sounds delish. Pack your Party, and your Good Times too, and meet us at the appointed time (to be revealed) on the appointed date (April 21st, bitches)!
If you don't know, you better axe somebody.
The hunger in our eyes has been seen and recognized by the bumbling fellow cyclists at Surly HQ. You can anticipate, and I quote, "a box of fish". Mmmmmmmm, that sounds delish. Pack your Party, and your Good Times too, and meet us at the appointed time (to be revealed) on the appointed date (April 21st, bitches)!
If you don't know, you better axe somebody.
Monday, March 26, 2012
lots of men carry bags?
Call it what you want, call it what you will. We support any version of life's style you wanna rock out with. But you'll need a poiss of some kind to fulfill the requirements Sleaze Otter requires. Don't sleep. Bag, helmet, lights.
Things are in the works; Machiavellian, ponderous, grinding, inexorable movements. If you don't know, now you know.
While we can't endorse anything except a Good Time, you might consider your eternal salvation viz. The Church of the Subgenius (if you got the time), some tenets of which we hold dear. Specifically:
1) get off your ass
2)bust your ass
3)watch your ass, and
4)WASH YOUR ASS!
With regards to #1...we are tired of all the pussy "reasons" why you can't be bothered to get off your ass and have a Good Time on your bicycle (remember that?). Most of these "reasons" involve your dead-hearted J-O-B, enabling you to skip a Real Good Time in favor of some old bullshit like staying at your boring smoky campsite or your shitty hotel room, or attending another lame industry party at which you can't really cut loose on account of the stuffy free drinks might be cut off. Fuck that.
So everything else follows. Come have some fun, with your clean ass and your bicycle.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
meet me at the cemetery
It's as official as things like this are: Vanderkitten will be joining us for hijinks and hilarity. Hopefully a repeat of the amateur stripper dancing at S______'s (open since 1937!).
You know and I know, it takes all kinds to make a party jump. The course is up in the air at this point, but it is certain that there will be some action near the seashore, so be careful...
You know and I know, it takes all kinds to make a party jump. The course is up in the air at this point, but it is certain that there will be some action near the seashore, so be careful...
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Get Happenstance
Welcome Princeton Tec! You are the dopey old man to our conniving teens. Hopefully there is no Richard. That kid is a buzzkill.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
SIX...SIX...SIX
6...6...6 years in a row.
And for 5 years in a row the "Bike Industry" has been a lot of jock sniffing p...p...pussies.
I said it.
I hate to say it: I don't think I'm the right coach for you. You all come out here and stand around. What is that? Can you overcome your fear? Can you leave your comfy campsite, with it's cans of beans'n'franks? Can you abandon your ratty motel room, with it's engrossing and rare television programming? Could you skip your gladhanding industry event, with it's same old same old?
Why are you even working in this thankless field? Oh yeah. Because you love bicycles. So get off your ass and, uh, put your ass on your bicycle saddle.
The official theme for this 6th year shall be:
Hey Bike Industry...STOP BEING PUSSIES.
As always, the route is what it is and is open to every bike and every rider. Run what you brung and you'll be all right.
Get with it. Oh, and we are currently accepting sponsorship requests.
And for 5 years in a row the "Bike Industry" has been a lot of jock sniffing p...p...pussies.
I said it.
I hate to say it: I don't think I'm the right coach for you. You all come out here and stand around. What is that? Can you overcome your fear? Can you leave your comfy campsite, with it's cans of beans'n'franks? Can you abandon your ratty motel room, with it's engrossing and rare television programming? Could you skip your gladhanding industry event, with it's same old same old?
Why are you even working in this thankless field? Oh yeah. Because you love bicycles. So get off your ass and, uh, put your ass on your bicycle saddle.
The official theme for this 6th year shall be:
Hey Bike Industry...STOP BEING PUSSIES.
As always, the route is what it is and is open to every bike and every rider. Run what you brung and you'll be all right.
Get with it. Oh, and we are currently accepting sponsorship requests.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
the candy colored clown they call...
the Sleaze Otter. 
Clowns are angry/hurt. Clowns are happy/tipsy.
I close my eyes.
Just like Blue Velvet.
I wanted to hate this guy, but couldn't. Look at him. He took his beating and not only showed up at the finish, he showed up at the finish and drank Coors Light (only canned beer they got at the Shadow Box) while giving out prizes. Good lookin out, Jared. Timbuk2 didn't know they hired Chuck Norris...
Earlyish in the evening, happy clowns get prizes. even though the Oregon posse cheated, and missed the 1st box (who told you what the task was?!), they "won" 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. This lovely skinsuit was donated by Stevil, over at allhailtheblackmarket, and is a symbol of individuality and his belief in personal freedom.
Late night. Clowns are sad. Clowns are happy.
Clowns are angry/hurt. Clowns are happy/tipsy.I close my eyes.
Just like Blue Velvet.
I wanted to hate this guy, but couldn't. Look at him. He took his beating and not only showed up at the finish, he showed up at the finish and drank Coors Light (only canned beer they got at the Shadow Box) while giving out prizes. Good lookin out, Jared. Timbuk2 didn't know they hired Chuck Norris...
Earlyish in the evening, happy clowns get prizes. even though the Oregon posse cheated, and missed the 1st box (who told you what the task was?!), they "won" 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. This lovely skinsuit was donated by Stevil, over at allhailtheblackmarket, and is a symbol of individuality and his belief in personal freedom.
Late night. Clowns are sad. Clowns are happy.
when they reminisce over you
For real.
Smile!
There were some high points. There were some low points. Seems like the lowest points came immediately after bombing down super rutty 
descents from the high points. These were the lowest points, the crashes.Swing down sweet chariot, stop, and...let me ride. Having your friends laugh at you and carry on without you while you slowly push your creaking bike back up the hill listening to them hoot and holler will really pick you up. That or throw popcorn all over you.
The ER doctor says, and I quote, "No dirt could have done that."Nice.
Nothing like getting heckled/accused of being a liar by the pompous ass in the white coat. Like you don't get enough of that from your "friends."
No one knows what happened to everyone, but everyone knows what happened to someone. Comment on your race experience, or send photos (inspektorjavertATgmailDOTcom).
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
zzzzzz.....
If you have photos send them here: inspektorjavert(at)gmail(dot)com.We'll get on a wrap up. I know some of you cheated. For now...
Thank You to our sponsors: Surly, Allhailtheblackmarket.com, Princteon Tec, and Timbuk2.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
you ain't special, so shut the fuck up and finish your drink
A few words before we begin.
Brakes are a very good idea. Some folks (I'm not one) can stop real good without em and all, but. Laguna Seca sits atop a big ass hill. Going down the hill will be required. If, say, a deer were to jump out in front of you (it happens) are you able to lock em up from 42mph on a 14% grade inside of 37feet on a skibbly surface?
Yes?
Cool.
Laguna Seca sits atop a big ass hill. Climbing back up the hill at the end of your ride will be required. If this kind of things makes you cry, you will not have a Good Time.
Dressing well means being prepared. If you are not covered in a luxurious coat of beautiful golden hued (perhaps a lovely mottled brown) hair, you will want some standing around outside type clothes.
If you are the guy (or gal) who blows it at the start, skips the course and heads straight for the bar at the finish only to drink more than is good for you and throw your bike down on the stage...fuck off. You aren't welcome back.
If you like making love at midnight...we'll work something out.
Brakes are a very good idea. Some folks (I'm not one) can stop real good without em and all, but. Laguna Seca sits atop a big ass hill. Going down the hill will be required. If, say, a deer were to jump out in front of you (it happens) are you able to lock em up from 42mph on a 14% grade inside of 37feet on a skibbly surface?
Yes?
Cool.
Laguna Seca sits atop a big ass hill. Climbing back up the hill at the end of your ride will be required. If this kind of things makes you cry, you will not have a Good Time.
Dressing well means being prepared. If you are not covered in a luxurious coat of beautiful golden hued (perhaps a lovely mottled brown) hair, you will want some standing around outside type clothes.
If you are the guy (or gal) who blows it at the start, skips the course and heads straight for the bar at the finish only to drink more than is good for you and throw your bike down on the stage...fuck off. You aren't welcome back.
If you like making love at midnight...we'll work something out.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
...that's when the Sleaze jumped out the startin' block!
Eazily make our way to the meeting spot...
Just a little note to remind you: Don't be an ass. Keep it on the DL. The goal is to keep riding and keep partying, not to be partied out and/or thrown in jail.
In other and completely unrelated news...Welcome Timbuk2! People need bags to put stuff in, and you are helping them do it.
High 5s all around.
Just a little note to remind you: Don't be an ass. Keep it on the DL. The goal is to keep riding and keep partying, not to be partied out and/or thrown in jail.
In other and completely unrelated news...Welcome Timbuk2! People need bags to put stuff in, and you are helping them do it.
High 5s all around.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
drag race dynamite!
You know you love it.
When and if Sasquatch attacks, it will be the Full Moon. (Yeah, yeah, we heard you.) So lights, while always a good idea, are not as crucial as they might seem. What is crucial is that you get a fine ass pantsuit, and get ready. to. rumble.
When and if Sasquatch attacks, it will be the Full Moon. (Yeah, yeah, we heard you.) So lights, while always a good idea, are not as crucial as they might seem. What is crucial is that you get a fine ass pantsuit, and get ready. to. rumble.
Friday, April 1, 2011
up and down and all around
You think a ape-like creature only hangs out in the woods? LOL. Sasquatch likes to git on the goodfoot, same as you. So pay attention, you just might learn somethin.
Learn this, too: like the joker to the North of us, the clowns to our right have committed themselves to helping us help you to git on your goodfoot. We welcome and thank SURLY for their help in our continuing dissipation.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
I've got..you've got...WE'VE got to be unstoppable.
All's it takes is one lone weirdo to get a party started.
Joining the dance is Stevil Kinevil of allhailtheblackmarket.com, with his generous contribution of cat hair covered pants and various sundry goods. Think of him as the guy in the red underwear/umbrella hat at 2:15...
Thanks, Stevil, you're one of us.
The rest of y'all...get your dancing shoes ready. This year's course promises to be down and dirty. For the 1st time in our storied history we begin and "end" at Laguna Seca. There will be no hiding and no copping out. As always- Any bike, any rider! Everybody who rides is welcomed. It's more fun thataway.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
...he had beautiful hair
It's the same MO...
I don't think you've got to worry so much about getting poked with a staff and told to "Git". I don't think you do.
But there may be some rough talking. And some dark trails. Better bring a light. Or follow someone who's got one.
I don't think you've got to worry so much about getting poked with a staff and told to "Git". I don't think you do.
But there may be some rough talking. And some dark trails. Better bring a light. Or follow someone who's got one.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday, April 16, 2010
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