Sunday, March 2, 2014
Welcome back welcome back welcome back
Is anybody out there? There have been rumblings of a Sleaze Otter recurrence. A gathering of the yahoos. Weigh in with your sayins...
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
you ain't special
...so shut the fuck up and finish your drink.
The bike industry is full of pussies.
The Sleaze Otter has asked for your participation 6 times. 6 times you were invited to ride your bike, have a few drinks (if you were so inclined, or not- your choice), perform some rudimentary tasks, and score some cheap geegaws. 6 times you could not be bothered to get off your fat lazy ass and leave the safety of your cheap hotel room or shitty charcoal smoke-out for some actual riding. Fuck you. Why are you people even in this business? I am specifically calling out you personally.
The end. We quit.
On the other hand, several fine companies and individuals have sponsored us in the past, and they are quality people. Surly, PDW, VanDerKitten, All Hail the Black Market, Rothera cycling caps, Yanco pads, and me. Thanks to you all for the Good Times. Sorry it had to be like this.
The bike industry is full of pussies.
The Sleaze Otter has asked for your participation 6 times. 6 times you were invited to ride your bike, have a few drinks (if you were so inclined, or not- your choice), perform some rudimentary tasks, and score some cheap geegaws. 6 times you could not be bothered to get off your fat lazy ass and leave the safety of your cheap hotel room or shitty charcoal smoke-out for some actual riding. Fuck you. Why are you people even in this business? I am specifically calling out you personally.
The end. We quit.
On the other hand, several fine companies and individuals have sponsored us in the past, and they are quality people. Surly, PDW, VanDerKitten, All Hail the Black Market, Rothera cycling caps, Yanco pads, and me. Thanks to you all for the Good Times. Sorry it had to be like this.
Friday, April 13, 2012
it's not made of glitter
Clip and print! Your mom would love one.
1) There will be prizes.
2) 1st place is not always the win.
After weeks of work, our flyer is done! Several people worked their fingers to the bone over that, and further we are really, really very pleased to present this:
It accurately represents everything we are. Don't kid yourself. Fuck your training, fuck your time cuts, fuck your max watts, fuck your little shoe covers (even though I kinda like those), fuck your throwaway race bike so light and plasticky it only lasts a season safely, fuck your important meetings, fuck your weight weenie in the middle of a ride discussion, fuck your cool sunglasses, fuck your hopes, your dreams, and your life.
STOP BEING PUSSIES.
Riding bikes is fun! Remember that? We don't care what you ride, we care that you ride. Get off that ass and bring a lunch. We love you. Any bike! Any rider! No enemy!
Locals, this is the Fist Frank Pinto Celebration Ride. Joselyn's Bikes is closed, not forgotten. Fist Frank, show up or your house will be one of the stops...
Dreary? GO!
1) There will be prizes.
2) 1st place is not always the win.
After weeks of work, our flyer is done! Several people worked their fingers to the bone over that, and further we are really, really very pleased to present this:
It accurately represents everything we are. Don't kid yourself. Fuck your training, fuck your time cuts, fuck your max watts, fuck your little shoe covers (even though I kinda like those), fuck your throwaway race bike so light and plasticky it only lasts a season safely, fuck your important meetings, fuck your weight weenie in the middle of a ride discussion, fuck your cool sunglasses, fuck your hopes, your dreams, and your life.
STOP BEING PUSSIES.
Riding bikes is fun! Remember that? We don't care what you ride, we care that you ride. Get off that ass and bring a lunch. We love you. Any bike! Any rider! No enemy!
Locals, this is the Fist Frank Pinto Celebration Ride. Joselyn's Bikes is closed, not forgotten. Fist Frank, show up or your house will be one of the stops...
Dreary? GO!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Baaaaaaaaaaam!
Afros...and afrettes...
The hunger in our eyes has been seen and recognized by the bumbling fellow cyclists at Surly HQ. You can anticipate, and I quote, "a box of fish". Mmmmmmmm, that sounds delish. Pack your Party, and your Good Times too, and meet us at the appointed time (to be revealed) on the appointed date (April 21st, bitches)!
If you don't know, you better axe somebody.
The hunger in our eyes has been seen and recognized by the bumbling fellow cyclists at Surly HQ. You can anticipate, and I quote, "a box of fish". Mmmmmmmm, that sounds delish. Pack your Party, and your Good Times too, and meet us at the appointed time (to be revealed) on the appointed date (April 21st, bitches)!
If you don't know, you better axe somebody.
Monday, March 26, 2012
lots of men carry bags?
Call it what you want, call it what you will. We support any version of life's style you wanna rock out with. But you'll need a poiss of some kind to fulfill the requirements Sleaze Otter requires. Don't sleep. Bag, helmet, lights.
Things are in the works; Machiavellian, ponderous, grinding, inexorable movements. If you don't know, now you know.
While we can't endorse anything except a Good Time, you might consider your eternal salvation viz. The Church of the Subgenius (if you got the time), some tenets of which we hold dear. Specifically:
1) get off your ass
2)bust your ass
3)watch your ass, and
4)WASH YOUR ASS!
With regards to #1...we are tired of all the pussy "reasons" why you can't be bothered to get off your ass and have a Good Time on your bicycle (remember that?). Most of these "reasons" involve your dead-hearted J-O-B, enabling you to skip a Real Good Time in favor of some old bullshit like staying at your boring smoky campsite or your shitty hotel room, or attending another lame industry party at which you can't really cut loose on account of the stuffy free drinks might be cut off. Fuck that.
So everything else follows. Come have some fun, with your clean ass and your bicycle.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
meet me at the cemetery
It's as official as things like this are: Vanderkitten will be joining us for hijinks and hilarity. Hopefully a repeat of the amateur stripper dancing at S______'s (open since 1937!).
You know and I know, it takes all kinds to make a party jump. The course is up in the air at this point, but it is certain that there will be some action near the seashore, so be careful...
You know and I know, it takes all kinds to make a party jump. The course is up in the air at this point, but it is certain that there will be some action near the seashore, so be careful...
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Get Happenstance
Welcome Princeton Tec! You are the dopey old man to our conniving teens. Hopefully there is no Richard. That kid is a buzzkill.
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